Doubts and Dreams

I feel like this is a recurring topic in my life. And frankly, I think this might forever be a recurring theme for me.

For the longest time, my dreams have been everything for me. Absolutely everything. And I was lucky. For a large portion of my life, I never had to compromise. Now I'm going to factor a lot of that to sheer dumb luck and work, but, honestly, it could be neither.

Recently I have felt less lucky. I feel like my dreams are just fever dreams, things that are purely unattainable.

In the grand scheme of things, my self-doubt is petty. This much is true. There are larger things to worry about and focus on, self-doubt being none of them. That much I understand. But, it (like all harsh feelings) still sucks.

Doubt is real. Doubt is strong. Doubt is vain. Doubt is not vain. Doubt is anything. Doubt is nothing. 

How the hell can something so variegated be something so powerful?

Doubt has made me an insomniac. Heck, it's made me someone who wakes up in the morning sad that her dreams are now over.

And yes, doubt can be empowering. But it's one hard thing to shake. I know it will go away soon, but until then I'll be counting down until it does. (Well, I'll do that and then also focus my attention on