Guess what. I'm about to turn 20 and I am not capable of focusing.
I was told for years and years that as you get older you get more and more patient. If anything, I learnt something else. I learn that as I got older the world got more and more instant gratification. This instant gratification and constant connection to the world around me became my demise.
When I was younger I would spend from dusk until dawn reading, or hiking, or simply just doing one activity.
And then, as I got older, the internet became more and more popular. And social media, well that started growing and becoming a thing.
My generation was at a moldable age.
And I, I was stubborn. For years I liked to pretend that social media wasn't a thing that I was ever going to get into. And then the end of high school and the beginning of college happened.
Social media quickly became an easy way to communicate with old friends and new acquaintances. It was a way to share my life events without talking to everyone individually. (For a person like me who likes to take time by herself to recharge, this helped ease some anxiety). In short, it became a constant.
I told myself constantly that I wasn't going to become one of those people. I wasn't going to be the girl who sat on facebook/instagram/twitter. I did allow myself tumblr (and always have since middle school if I'm being honest), because I absolutely adore staring at people's creativity in gifs, photoshop, sketching, and otherwise.
I didn't realize how much of a slow burn social media was for me until recently. Now that I'm abroad, social media has become a lifeline for me. But to be honest, I don't spend more time on it than I did at home. And that realization, that is what I find intriguing and frankly disturbing.
I know for a fact I was a busier person back home in the states. I was constantly always doing something. But then, how did I manage to keep up with all this social media and regularly post while juggling school, work, friends, family, and whatever else?
I've come to realize, that I might be better at time management than I thought, but that I have one fatal flaw: social media.
The more I stay on facebook or twitter or even tumblr, the less time I have to relax and get other stuff done.
The weirdest part of this all is that my social media has made it hard for me to focus on anything. I can't focus on one task for more than 30 minutes now, as if every 30 minutes a 5 minute social media break is warranted. Now, that's just sad.
Heck, I even do it for things that I find relaxing. If I'm watching television, unfortunately even if it is Game of Thrones or Scandal, I will still check my social media religiously.
It's weird, honestly ritualistic of me.
My attention span has shortened so as to instill in me social media breaks. And that is something I plan on fixing. I refuse to let weird stuff like this dictate my life.
Books are meant to be long. Their intricacies can't be consolidated into 140 characters.
Memories are meant to be your own, to be shared briefly to acquaintances but in full to your closest friends and family.
And television and relaxing, well things like that are not built to be regimented with these annoyingly pesky social media breaks.
I'm not guaranteeing that this is going to be an easy thing for me to achieve. Heck, I'm not even going to guarantee that I won't fail miserably at this. But now that I am self-aware of the issue, I can and will try my hardest to rectify it. I mean, what else can I do?