Aging. It happens to everyone. But why on earth does it feel so defeating?
This is the first time I’m actually not looking forward to my birthday. I know, I know. I’m young and I have my whole life ahead of me.
You know what. That’s exactly why I’m not looking forward to my birthday.
Labor Day Weekend is going to come around and I am going to no longer to be a kid, no longer a teenager. Instead, I am going to be a young adult. It feels like after this birthday, everything changes. And that is kind of true. Everything does change. Slowly but surely, from here on out, I am no longer going to be able to blame naiveté for my idiocy. I am going to start taking more and more responsibility for me and my actions.
Yes, I was in charge of my life since I moved from the East to West Coast for college. I understand that college is when you actions and consequences start feeling more concrete.
But, college in and of itself is a microcosm. College tries its hardest to shield you from the realities of being an adult for as long as it can. Going to undergraduate straight out of high school, at least for me, was my way of pretending that I wasn’t an adult for a couple more years. Doing so meant that I could pretend that reality was not coming like a freight train and instead focus on my academics.
I know this isn’t the case for a lot of people. Sometimes growing up is something that happens in high school. And for that I am fortunate to have been delayed into a graduated program to adulthood.
This milestone, the milestone of hitting adulthood happens to hit for everyone at different points in time and in varying stages.
Mine first hit me when I moved across the country for school. My support network was off near the Hudson Bay and I lived near the Pacific Ocean and the Mexican border. That was when I first had to buck up and learn that growing up meant sometimes having a support network of one.
This is my second phase, the phase that I’m sure is going to continue throughout the last year of my undergraduate career.
Growing up. I’ve come to define it as growing into your own, the process of gaining more and more control and responsibility.
Funnily enough, I’m trying to get a career in academia, the very thing I have used as a lifeline for years to my childhood.
This time next year, I’ll be even more of an adult than I am currently. I’ll be looking for an apartment for myself wherever my pursuit of higher education may take me. I’ll have even more responsibility. Yes, I’ll be able to always talk to and ask my parents for help. But the way parents are able to help you shrinks as the years go on.
My twenties are most definitely going to be full of more moments of growth. I can only hope that eventually in my twenties I’ll finally get the feeling that I’m no longer playing dress up; that instead of pretending to be an adult I’ll actually be on. Because I know for a fact as I start the chaos that is reaching life after-undergrad, I’m most definitely feeling like I’m putting on one damn elaborate costume.